Why Numbernine is Single

A lot of guys were asking me why I didn’t have a girlfriend. It’s high time you guys got a straight answer.

Reason #1: the last time I tried to have a girlfriend, it didn’t turn out that badly. She was hot. A lot of people were after her. Some said she was out of my league. But I managed to get her to pay attention to me, a person she hitherto hardly knew, and who was staying 12 time zones away, and I held her attention for 3-4 months. She could have anybody she wanted, and we both knew it. What happened?

I’m not calling myself a Casanova. But the conclusion is that “I’m not that bad at this, aren’t I?” So it was complacency. That I could start again when I was older, and it wouldn’t be that much of a problem.

But those of you on this blog who have been following the saga of 7-8 and water girl will recall that some ladies are immune to my charms. That sucked, although I found out much later that she felt that we were incompatible – and she was right.

Reason #2: I’m picky. It is not that I have to have the hottest member of the species for my member. It’s something like, if I were to say, I want to find the female version of numbernine. Hello, guys, have you ever seen the female version of numbernine? Have you seen anybody else who is remotely like me? I have to settle for a close enough approximation.

Personality is also very important. If somebody has got the body, but not the personality, I would ask her for a few nude pictures, and go off somewhere to jerk off. It's just not worth putting up with a bad person just because she looks great. It'd be great if you could show off a trophy girlfriend to all your friends but I don't have a lot of friends.

Reason #3: The last one ended badly. To be sure, I knew it was going to end. I knew it wouldn't last. But I wasn't prepared for the 4 months of depression I went through, having to juggle that with a busy study schedule, running my own household. I wondered if I had given up too much to a cyber-relationship and passing up great opportunities that you only got in a good uni. It's difficult to say if I regretted it, because you cannot discount how, when it was good, it was damn good. The highs were high and the lows were low. I needed some peace.

Reason #4: my sister and my cousins. My sister has been living overseas for 10 years. She's a hardy person, almost a masochist. But I get struck by how she goes from guy to guy around once every year. I never wanted to be like that. Breaking a relationship is just like dislocating your shoulder. If you do it too often, it will keep on popping out at inopportune moments. I never want that until I'm ready. This is a minor reason.

But reason #5 is the most important: I didn't make space for another person in my life. I seldom organised my life around more than 1 person, and that would be the biggest change for me. Accomodating somebody else in my life.

I had an ex-colleague who took it upon himself to push me towards getting a chick. I appreciated that but it's like that gym instructor who tells you 5 more sets when you're ready to give up. I called him mofo, or "manager of fucking operations". He used to tell me, don't be shy. Well if you've read this far, it was never about shyness. It's always about what happens after the first few dates, and you are about to embark on an adventure together. And then what?

I had never believed that I was going to be single forever. But I always wondered if I was old enough. I thought, I'll wait until I'm 30, and it should be easier. And in some sense I'd be right. But it will never be like it was in your 20s when you are really carefree. I thought, it would be just like it was the last time, I was wrong.

And sadly, there's no such thing as bad sex when you're in your 20s. But it doesn't get better after that. And if you didn't take advantage of that, that's unfortunate.