Gatekeepers

I’m reading a really compelling book called “The Gatekeepers” which traces a year in the life of an admissions officer for a college, Wesleyan. It is very interesting that the dean of admissions (the boss of the admissions officer who is the central figure of this book) used to come from the college that I attended, and oversaw the admissions process that granted me a place in the college that I graduated from. I remember the sticking the stamps of the huge bulky packages that would find their way to admissions offices in 5 different colleges across the states. (And by some quirk of fate, I would spend 3 years living in 2 different apartments, both across the road from that admissions office.)

Naturally this book does not mention the numerous admin fuck ups that plagued my admissions procedure, (their losing my cheque was one in a series). Eventually I would end up enrolling in that college. Why was this? There were 3 colleges that I really wanted to get into. I was only accepted for 1, and it was the last college that I sent my application forms for. By that time, and only by that time had I learnt how to write a good application essay. In retrospect, with good essays, I stood a good chance of getting into 1 of the other 2 colleges. And possibly gotten to know 1 of my colleagues a little earlier.

They say that a person’s success in life is not determined so much by the college that one enters into, but by the best college one applies to. I guess there are self esteem issues at play. Well I didn’t bother applying to Harvard, MIT, Princeton or Yale. The 3 main colleges I applied to are, in retrospect, very good colleges, but if self confidence is really so important, I have something to be worried about.

In retrospect, none of the 5 colleges I applied to are located in large cities. (My sister went to a college in a large city but in the end she says it made no difference: she didn’t have time to hang out downtown much.)

But for a little while it was quite gratifying to know that people were sweating just trying to get into a place like Wesleyan, when I know that I did succeed in getting into a place that was at least as selective as Wesleyan. And I know that I have had a leg up, a lot of people supporting me up till the time I went into college, whereas a lot of people from more disadvantaged backgrounds really had to sweat their way through high school / JC compared to me.

(But let’s put it another way: affirmative action means that it’s more difficult for Asians to get in. Unless there are other college policies at work that benefit Singaporeans.)

After reading the book I realized that if I had tried to apply to my sister’s university (one of the colleges listed above, which I had considered too high for me to reach) I would have had a very good chance of getting in, because in the book they described how far they were able to relax their entrance criteria for a person whose sibling was in that university. My sister had told me so. Well I got into a fairly decent uni on my own, and I was fairly happy about that.

When I read about some person who had such a good academic and ECA record that all the unis were going after her, I thought about my sister who actually went to the States to visit 3 of the unis before deciding. 2 of them were “out of reach” for me, and 1 of them had rejected my application.

When I saw their thought processes, I often wondered what I could have done to enhance my application chances. And what I would do if I were to apply to graduate school one day. I was a little worried that the admissions officer just managed to piece together a person’s personality based on what’s in that brown envelope (as well as letters from teachers.)

After I graduated, I started reading laymen books about the stuff I had studied in college just to give myself some perspective. And sometimes I thought about the major decisions that I made while I was in college, and wondered if I would still make them today. I think about the things that I think were mistakes, but I’m often open minded (or wishy washy enough) to explain them away, and doubt again, that they really were mistakes. Should I have specialized more? Should I have done stuff that would have made getting into grad school easier? Should I have done things that would have benefited my career more?

And the other thing was, the admissions officer has to make a snap decision (probably around 25 decisions per day) about who to admit and who not to. I’m thinking about the sorting hat at Hogwart’s. I think that getting in is one small part of the equation. The more important question, of course, is – did you get the best of your time at your college? I would definitely have done with more extroversion, more talking to people and reaching out, more sharing information. Aside from that? What did my sister think? She told me, shortly after I graduated, “they wouldn’t have had reason to regret allowing you in. You tried so many different things.” I guess I would accept that.

People sometimes do think of me as an insufferable stuck up asshole but things like this will haunt me: did I deserve going to the college I went to? Did I deserve the job that I obtained? And I will admit that the answer to both of these questions is not "YES!" but rather "yes but....". And there is a third question: did I deserve these things more than a lot of people who didn't get them? My answer is no.

I’m a very shady, murky character. I don’t even think I know myself that well. I described myself as a forest. I could pull a rabbit out of my hat and surprise people. I do that on a fairly consistent basis. I think of myself as mother earth, placid most of the time until I get pissed off. Full of nooks and crannies, full of surprises. Rich and variegated.

So why on earth was I willing to part with a book like that, especially for free, on bookmooch? I don’t know. But I only have a few days to finish reading it, so that’s what I’m going to do.