Resolutions 2008

Another year of resolutions. Last few years, the resolutions have tended to be the same, and have tended to be a list of tasks to do. But this year a few will be more general. I also try to be forgiving of myself. I will be happy as long as I accomplish a few of the resolutions. If I make a list of 10 and get 3 it is OK, because each year I will do the easiest ones, the ones where opportunities avail of themselves to me, and it's more likely to happen when I cast my net wide. That is OK.

You carry your resolutions over from the previous year, I think that is not really an admission of failure, but rather that you know you will not easily give up on them come what may. That is OK. In fact that is great because we know that it is persistence and luck which create success, much more than mere talent.

This year I ran a half marathon, I learnt driving and I wrote new music. That is good. I did not produce any demos, which is unfortunate. I didn't get any girlfriends, but it is never easy making the transition from a life of solitude to a more social one, and finding a girlfriend is but 1 small component of this bigger and more complex task.

I won't bother to rehash some of my old resolutions, some of which I shouldn't really be saying out loud anyway. Just a few that are on my list:

1. I want to be a good person.

There was a time when I wanted to be a good person to a greater extent than I am today. I think it ended, coincidently (or maybe not) around the time I got over my first (and so far only) major heartbreak. In a way a harder attitude towards life is called for: this is the male way of doing things. If you are not sensitive enough you will miss out on life a lot because it just passes you by without making a mark on you. If you are too sensitive you will not be outgoing, you will not get that much done in life, you will also in a totally different way miss out on life. The best thing is a good balance between the two.

If you have just had your heart broken, the first time you react is vital. You never ever go for rebounds because it's like drinking cold water when the chilli is burning your mouth: it makes things better in the short run but doesn't help. What you need is hot water. (Sorry, even as fucked up analogies go this one is especially bad.) When you have broken a bone you should never be in a hurry to break it again, but rather give it time to heal. I don't envy the ladies because they are always in a hurry, they know that time is more cruel to them than to men, and sometimes they end up lurching from wrong guy to wrong guy, and they form the wrong patterns of behaviour. But there must always be fallow time in between your relationships. I took too long, of course, but getting my sanity back was really so important.

2. I want to be less lazy

I am not lazy in certain ways. I don't think I'm a lazy thinker. There are certain things I always want to top myself in. Is it mere talent that makes me a crazy guy? (I left a facebook application where people go around clicking adjectives for me. Only 1 was clicked so far: crazy) No. Being outrageous is serious business for me. If I say something that is not crazy enough I am not happy with it. I get kicked around, beaten up in playgrounds for my craziness. But I will persist in part because that is who I am and also in a small way making people laugh is one of the best ways I make friends. So yes I work hard at being crazy.

Other things - a thirst for knowledge, although a very specific type of knowledge, book knowledge. These are things I am driven in. But I will look for other things I am not driven in - there are things which are actually more useful to be driven in. Maybe like making money, being a nice guy, contributing to society.

3. I want to be less of a procrastinator

Yes this has always been a problem, I tend to want to mix business with pleasure. I used to feel real guilty about it but now I just call it multi-tasking. There's nothing wrong with taking a break every 20 minutes or so. But it's a problem when you forget to go back to work. So I'll just watch myself a little more closely for now.

Yah, only 3 resolutions. They are big big resolutions and only 2 of them are enough for me. Plus the rest left over from previous years of course.

People typically spend their youths uncovering their strengths and their older years making up for their weaknesses, and naturally since the latter is more difficult. And therefore it is typical that older people are more well rounded than the young.