Faith

After alighting from a friend’s car (he gave me a lift home) I walked up to the bridge over that road. I stared out at the traffic for 15 minutes. Why do big things come together? Why does work have to get a little more stressful at a time when my personal life does likewise?

Later that night I ended up taking a long walk through my HDB town. Eventually I realized I was walking towards the cinema, which is like a half an hour walk, even at a brisk pace, because it’s on the other end of the HDB town. I had watched all the Potter films at the neighbourhood Eng Wah cinema (except for the first 1, which I watched in America), and I had decided to continue with tradition.

It’s like meditating, and things become a little clearer. The movie was ho hum but at least it took my mind off worrying. I just realized: my personal problems don’t mean shit. There are no problems whichever way this thing goes. If you miss a train you just catch the next one. You can miss 10 trains, and if you catch the 11th, you're still doing fine.

Having something real to worry about is a novelty. Maybe even a privilege. What a relief it is to be worried about something real. There are only good things to come out of this, since you can always bail out before the bad parts start being really bad.

Being strong means being reassuring rather than seeking reassurance. Being the one to be leaned upon rather than the one doing the leaning. Being the one, putting a smile on your face, telling people that everything is alright, rather than behaving like a kid and wondering why people aren't doing the same for you.