Asspartame assplosion

I just attended my first shotgun wedding. It was a hoot. There were so many snide comments to be passed. The groom made a speech about how marriage has taught him the values of self restraint. If he doesn't learn it from knocking people up when's he going to learn. I also sniggered when the Justice of Peace read out that a marriage is a convenant to be entered into by both parties of their free will.

At my table were myself and 2 friends, and the rest were people I had never met before. One of them was a boy of 8-9 years, hyperactive, si beh irritating. And he was holding a box of mints, popping them into his mouth at an alarming rate. One of my friends was looking on in horror, saying "does he know that aspartame in large doses has a laxative effect?"

He disappeared for a while. Coincidently the other friend and I went to the toilet. We did not like what we saw. The boy had his trousers off, legs covered with shit, and trousers covered with shit. It was a little difficult to breathe in the toilet. For some funny reason he thought that a good way of getting rid of the shit was to fling his trousers around and spray shit everywhere. The Indian janitor was screaming bloody murder at him. (This is a wedding, remember, in a hotel of a decent standard where the last thing he was doing before giving the boy grief was to spray antiseptic and fragrance into the urinal.)

So I walked back to the table, and I said to the guys at the other side of the table, "hi, your friend is in the toilet, and there is shit everywhere." It took a while for those words to register. Soon enough, they were laughing when they came back. They reported that the boy was crying, and probably it was because the janitor was also crying. I watched the horror of the crap guy's family's faces when they got news of this incident. Eventually they boy got sent home.